Breaking the girl

"The Only Exception"

2010-02-18T23:45:00.000-08:00

So.. a new year has come and with that..new experiences and new feelings, of course! I got to see Tegan and Sara last night at the Warner Theater. Steel Train opened for them, they were pretty good. Tegan and Sara were amazing. Simple as that. Anyway, I am still going to physical therapy(usually twice a week) for my right knee. This march is when I plan to get my left knee fixed. I've probably been over this shit many times haha. Something that i haven't talked about is a new girl in my life. It was as unexpected as you can get when falling for someone.. I mean, it happened when i was already hurt by this other girl..and BAM. Well, her name is Jess. She is incredible, I am lucky to have found her. One good thing her and I have learned so far is that no matter the distance, we are close at heart.. and right now that is all we have but soon enough..there won't be a physical distance.

Amar

2009-09-23T21:07:00.000-07:00

There is quite a lot i'd like to say but ..i don't know how much i will share.
Mhm. I saw Jennifer's Body and, yes, i really liked it haha . Dark comedy, c'mon guys!
So i'm still obviously recovering from my knee surgery and i have another one to go.
The pain is worth it. I can't wait to run, bike, jog, play basketball, etc! Plus i'll
be able to be on my own after i get both surgeries, a job, and save money. I am
serious about my future..because i can't live like this for the rest of my life. It's boring
and useless lol. I'm thinking about taking classes on acting.. maybe do something with
that in college? Photography, Sociology, and History are other favorites. Maybe a writing class, too? I wrote a new poem, first one in two months, for my beloved friend that died a little over two months ago. Here it is:

Amar, Immortal

I have this picture of you in my head.
Things could've been better
if you hadn't choosen this death
and as i think of these words everyday,
this picture of you changes everything.
So you took the ultimate path,
you tried to reach out, tried to say goodbye
but as the human race knows it,
we've all got shit in our lives.
And as we speculate our own problems,
we pass one another by but now I see
I've got to stop wasting time.
I could've taken your hand, told you the truth;
this world needed to keep someone
as special as you but now you are gone
and all i see are these now meaningless words
fleeing from the debris of your memory
that i am trying to keep....alive.

Well, i'm just trying to stay positive..so thinking about the future helps. I know things will be rocky for a while..but they will get better. CHEERS TO THAT!

Peace=]

Ignorance is your new best friend?

2009-08-20T10:07:00.000-07:00

If a certain someone is reading this..then the title of this entry is predictable. Once more, a lot has happened and i lost a friend because of it..i guess i don't blame her, somehow i was bringing her down. What i don't get is..she wasn't around me enough to see how much i was laughing and smiling before she decided to dump me as a friend. Oh well=]. There are better things to think about.

I'm getting severe knee surgery on my right knee in less than a week. It's nerwrecking(actually pretty scary) but i just want to get it over with, plus it's worth it. At least it's not a heart surgery or something..my heart goes out to those people that have to deal with the stress of that stuff!

That is what i'll have in my leg for a couple of months. I was told it was temporary, they will take the screws out when my bones have healed. TMI? Oops..lol. Sooooo, if i am not too lazy i think i might upload pictures later and maybe post a poem. I should write, though.. Last night wasn't too good. Rose--i don't think you'll read my blogspot again but if you do..Don't be sorry for telling me what you did and i know you are scared. You are right, i don't know what that is like. Please talk to me. Alright..peace.

Past, Present, and Future

2009-03-07T15:34:00.000-08:00

Answer me this:
How far can we get by thinking about the future while running away from our past?
And when you think back, do you think you missed something in the present?

Mhmm.. here is something i came up with earlier..

When a person runs from their bad memories..they must get exhausted at some point.When someone can fall asleep with no worries, do their dreams wake them up to reality?Do those dreams turn into nightmares and soon take that person right back to thestarting line just to show them that they can't keep running..because there is no easyway out? But the harder way must be more rewarding because then that person willfinally come to terms with the fact that the past will always be with them; for it has helpedthem become who they are today by learning who they NEVER want to be.

It's Been Awhile

2009-03-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

I am too lazy and intimate to go into detail over what has been going on within the past months but mhm it's all good. I must seem like a concert junkie but i have an excuse: music is 98% of my life. I saw Shiny Toy Guns with some great friends back in November=].

Anyway....lol.... two months until graduation....holy fuck. I feel really chill about it though. I hope 2009 brings greater memories.

Not A Love Song

2008-08-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

So kelly and i aren't dating anymore. I'm actually okay though, her and i are good as friends. Bah so i start school soon, half of me is anxious and the other half isn't. I just want to get my last year over with in a way.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69LlvvMuOlU

Take Me On The Floor

2008-08-15T09:37:00.000-07:00

Mhm, i always seem to find myself in a rut. Meaning..some kind of situation is put in my direction and i collide with it. I guess in this case, i might as well explain.
Well, i have a girlfriend. I dated her once before, actually she was my last girlfriend, her name is Kelly. Something seems different this time, like she actually wants to be with me.. because before, some of the time it seemed like she didn't. Two nights ago, i was at a party for one of my best friends.. it was her 'going away' party because shes going off to college in NY soon. It would've been great, and prob. a little better for me if kelly were there but she wasn't aloud out. Anyway, one of my ex-girlfriends/my first love was there..and she is still a good friend of mine though, her finance/girlfriend broke up with her recently..and she is pretty heartbroken. I wanted to talk to her about it but it was a bit hard considering the fact that we were both drunk and who wants to get emotional when your trying to have fun? I care about this girl, a lot..and i know she feels the same way, i just hope she gets better sooner than later. Even though i have a girlfriend, my ex and i kissed acouple of times. I think im pretty stupid, and i was pretty drunk..but not drunk enough to go into the 5-some orgy that was happening right near me. Yeahh, im pretty smart lol. I know that my ex doesn't feel for me, more than a good friend atleast, in any way and its vis versa but i do feel like things were left unsaid in the past. Who knows.. maybe its better that way? And even if those kisses were just kisses, i still feel bad about it..but i dont know if im going to say anything about it. I know trust is very very good, but sjberhfbejd i dont know. Sorry for another long, pointless blog entry lol.

A post full of random news

2008-07-21T12:52:00.000-07:00

I actually like The Veronicas. I was a bit confused at first though, with this video. I thought the guy with pinkish/redish hair was a girl. That made me so excited, thinking one of the veronicas(Jess) was a lesbian but no shes not. Damn haha. In other news, im going to see The Dark Knight tomorrow in Guatemala City
and i have a week left here. I am also planning out the road trip that my sister and i will be going on next summer and bri, watch out..we´re comin your way=).

First post in a month or ...more?

2008-07-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

This is where i am at. This i where i will be at for, i guess, about two more weeks or something. I miss home but eh, traveling can be fun. I usually love traveling. Anyways how is everybody else doing? Everyone that reads this...of course.

With further news.. my good friend, who has been out of town for over a year, has come back and courtesy of her..here is a picture of me in her clothes. Not the best picture but i do love her clothes haha.

That's What You Get When You Let Your Heart Win;

2008-04-07T10:29:00.000-07:00

Sorry i haven't updated in awhile..! :

Here are some videos from the trip:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQQFNH0wSxA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmH-mbW_R-U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nscDIpslmg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UQ8BlVZzbQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U5oAoG1i3jM

Things have been... interesting lol. Up and down like a roller coaster, always. You know when you miss someone or something and you dont want to so you hide it, or try to? That's always the case with me but my memories want to disagree with me. Hah im good at remembering the most random things, but with certain people.. i can remember everything. I may have mentioned this in a earlier post but i have a type(usually) for boys and girls. It's stupid because people shouldn't be picky, i shouldn't.. but it's also nice to know what you want. Well for girls, i've noticed that i tend to go with the blonde haired blue eyed girls. Well i've liked my best friend, Tasha, for three years straight.. maybe even longer. When i first met her, i just remember i was alittle distracted but i thought she was really pretty. Ha i mean your probably like.. why are you ranting about this chick and your 'types' ? Sorry about that... Anyways, heres a poem i wrote after i came back from Idaho:

The V Midnight Get Away Poem

Away from the madness,in the peaceful garden..
i would lay upon the flowers.I would hear nothing,
not even my own thoughts.

Away from the sadness,in the enchanted forest..
i would walk and take ina breathe of relief.

Away from the bullshit,ontop of the mountains..
i would look up at the skytaking in its beauty.
To get away, which we all need, to a place
we have set up in our dreams..

Well i'd be everywhere, though you wouldn't beable to find me.Now tell me...where would you be?

Mhm.. Life is beautiful, i've known that for awhile.. and i am glad that i can be able to see it. I want to live it. =] How are you?

Love,
Taty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiJe4gUH0fk =] Paramore!

Back from Idaho

2008-03-27T19:06:00.000-07:00

So i got back last night. I had such a great time, i wish i could've stayed longer.. I really wouldn't mind moving there actually. I got back really late last night, it was a long flight lol. They played the movie Alvin & the Chipmunks, hahah. When i was heading out to Idaho, they played the movie August Rush. That movie is amazingggg. Mhm anyways, i have been relaxing yet doing laundry and missing everything out there. I missed the people back home but i dont know.. if i had a choice, i would pack up my stuff.. take my cat and move out to Idaho. I realized a lot when i was out there, and when i was coming back. A lot of feelings that aren't easy to explain, or atleast it doesn't seem easy. Well.. now it's time for some photos!

The moon rising over the mountains. I was at the drum circle when i took this.

This was one of the many pictures taken on my last day there.

Crazyyy nights in the city =] Roar i miss it lol.

Ohh yes and Paramore has a new video out! Here it is:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=aiJe4gUH0fk

This video seems to fit them more than their other videos. I did also take some videos while i was in Idaho, maybe i will post those in the next post. Well... peace! Oh yeah, check out August Rush!

Love,

Taty

Idaho!!

2008-03-24T08:47:00.000-07:00

So im not going to write much but i am here in Idaho, hhave been since last Wed. I am sadly leaving this Wed. I miss my family and such but i've missed tasha a great deal. A lot has been happening, ther e have been bonfires, drum circles, going on random religious trails(hahha idont know...we're not even religious), hanging out in downtown boise, me going to her new school, etc. When i go home, hopefully i will have the pictures and videos up within acouple of days. Peace out!

Love,
Taty

Blake Lively is a hottie!

2008-03-15T09:47:00.000-07:00

She has really nothing to do with the rest of the blog but i just think she is so beautiful!

Hey! So it's the weekend and i am very happy about that haha. When i went back to school, people were like 'where the hell have you been??' It def. felt longer than a week though but anyways i have been making up work and now i am starting to do more laundry because in 4 days i will be on a plane to see my best friend!

It will feel good to get away for alittle. Yeah, we got bored two nights before she left so we painted our faces(and my arm) with glow in the dark paint haha. Now...more pictures!

This was taken in Idaho when i went there for the first time with Tasha and her older sister almost three years ago. It is beautiful.

We got to go on the mountains in Boise, completely amazing. When i first went, i did not know what to expect.. i mean whenever someone heard that i was going to Idaho, they asked if i was going for the potatos lol so i figured i would see potatos but i didn't! Ha.

Besides my Idaho excitement, Paramore(gah i love that band!!) is coming back to my area and i really want to see them again! I went up to Philly last November to see them with The Starting Line and the Almost because it was sold out here.

Oh man, it was amazing.. up until the Paramore concert, the best concert i have ever been to was The Offspring at warped tour(the only reason i went to that haha).

People kept screaming Hayley's name and she turned to Josh, Jeremy, Taylor, and Zac then said i guess they forgot.. PARAMORE IS A BAND, not just one person.

On my May 1st, i am seeing Mindless Self Indulgence with The Birthday Massacre!

Sorry for all of these pictures if it took long loading! Also sorry for the long rant, i hope everyone else is doing good!

Love,

Taty

You would take the cherished people that i hold..

2008-03-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

So i haven't been in school for a good week. I do have an excuse: the damn flu/ and now other things. Okay so i am done talking about what i HAVE been talking about in the last two post(unless something erges me to bring it up again) but something more serious happened a month ago yesterday. My old friend, Kim, was driving and for some unknown reasons she lost control of her car and hit a telephone pole then a tree. She was taken to a shock and trauma center in the ICU part. She's been in acoma ever since. I saw her about two weekends ago, something i have never experienced before.. She was a big part in my childhood..and we still kept intouch afterwards, we told people that i was her sister because thats how close(in our hearts) we are. I learned that there are different comas, the one she is in.. she can open up her eyes and apparently hear us but we dont know how much she can understand. When i saw her, my mom got her to open up her eyes and she stared at me with her gorgeous blue eyes... i wanted to hug her but i didn't want to hurt her. I think she knew who we were(cause i dont know how much she remembers now too) and it seemed like she wanted to say something but she had a tube going into her neck which prevents her from speaking but obviously is helping her in someway. I love her, i may not be her best friend but she will always be special to me...as i will be to her. This is what i said to her at the hospital : "Hey Kim, it's Taty. I love you...we love you. You are one of the strongest girls i know, probabley THE strongest..keep fighting, we will come again to visit." I wish i could've said more because my mind had a lot more to say, like going over the memories we shared. Hopefully i will say more next time, they just transferred her to another place which is out of state but i dont care, that isn't going to stop me from visiting her! She may not be the same again..but atleast she'll be alive. Another recent bad story is that my step grandfather is dying. My mom and step dad went up to NJ today to say goodbye cause the doctors said that he would probabley pass within this week... i would've gone except for the fact that im sick so my mom wouldn't let me..I really hope my step dad will be alright, he tends to hold back emotions and then explode them out..actually pretty much everyone in my family does that. I guess all i can do for him is be here? I'll still be worried for awhile about him..

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Z1zeQF07EK4

i love Eisley... anyways,

Peace&Love,
Taty

My mind is faster than my mouth..but not my hands!

2008-03-09T14:56:00.000-07:00

I am bored and still have a lot to say. If you haven't read the first entry, you should..or you'll be deeply confused in this entry. Well following the whole thing with Mary Anne, at first she wasn't talking to me..which i dont blame her. Before Tasha left, i found out that Grace started talking to Mary-Anne. Oh yes, keep in mind that Grace doesn't go to the same school as Mary Anne and i(Tasha obviously used to). Apparently, Mary Anne was the one that started the conversations though.. Within acouple of days, they had a relationship. Tasha was still here, so i want to say it was like Jan. 10th maybe? Grace finally told me about her relationship with Mary Anne. I am not going to lie, it upset me but i tried not to let that keep Grace away from happiness. Mary Anne and i started talking acouple of days before Tasha left, it might have not been long but whenever i saw her in the hallways..it was painful. There was this one time when i got out of the elevator and right when i looked up, Mary Anne looked up..our eyes met and we were connected. Her and i later talked about that exact moment...and how we could both feel eachother.

Ah, anyways.. Tasha left, Grace knew I would be upset..actually a lot of people knew. My friends kept asking me if im alright, i was lost but i am glad to have such good friends. Grace informed me that she would be leaving for about 10 days to go to Mexico with members of her church at the end of Jan. but she called me pretty much everyday to see how i was doing. Well, i did something to her that i thought i would NEVER do to a best friend. Til this day, she still does not know. When she was in Mexico, Mary Anne cheated on her with me. Something that i do is i hold on to certain people. Which i dont know if that is a good thing or bad but i know sometimes i should let go. I am starting to let go of Mary Anne because she needs to understand that only she cant play with peoples hearts, like i did with hers. I know now that i can't do that and the only reason why i did it then was because i was afraid of getting hurt. I wonder if that is why Mary Anne is doing it now. Plus i want Grace to be happy and i believe that has been. My heart is to worn down by guilt. Sometimes when Grace talks about Mary Anne, i cant look her in the eyes.. I wonder what she'd do when/or if i tell her. Well i have been going by this saying: "what you dont know wont hurt you". In some ways, it does...

Love & Peace,
Taty

First Entry

2008-03-09T13:46:00.001-07:00

So i am new to this and i am not exactly sure who can read these..I am aloud to write my mind? I feel the need to.. without being afraid of who might see. Just to let everyone know, i mean well. So my name is Taty, i am only 16. I realized something about myself when i was in 6th grade. That is, the fact that i like girls. I guess you can say that i am bi-sexual but i like girls way more than guys, so maybe i am a lesbian? I have wondered about that for acouple of years now. My relationships recently have failed. I started to date this girl, Mary-Anne, last year in November... that started out alright except for the fact that i ignored her some of the time. You know that voice in the back of your head that nags you and reminds you about things? Well that little voice helped me remember that i wasn't over my best friend, Tasha, yet. So i was hanging out with Tasha a lot more than i was hanging out with Mary Anne, little did i notice(at the time) that Mary-Anne was actually quiet jealous. What she did not know, and still does not know...was that i cheated on her with Tasha. That should be a shocker to anyone that knows Tasha because she actually likes guys. She told me that i made her really confused about her sexuality..and that she did not know how to tell me before. The day before New Years, i broke up with Mary-Anne. I still really liked her but i knew that i had to figure out things with Tasha before i could be in a relationship with her. I will never forget my new years. I had a great time with my two best friends, Tasha and Grace. I had some alone time with Tasha, we figured some things out. She ended up moving on Jan. 20th. I think my feelings for her will always remain---but i can't help but to wonder about her feelings. I am going to see her on my spring break, i really miss her. She is the first girl that i have liked(non-stop) for 3 years. Now maybe it is just me, but i think that has something special written all over it. Well--- that is a lot to take in(depending on your mind and emotion capacity) so i will end here. Maybe another entry soon?

Love and peace,
Taty